Week 10 Blog Reviews

Ashley:::

Secret Control of Japanese Behind the American Music Industry

You did such a good job bringing in the article to your writing. It was well written, and it was thoroughly understood with a consistent flow. The only thing concerning was your conclusion. While I think it was well written, the multiple citations within it had me seconding guessing on whether or not you were finishing up or not. Great writing and good job!

Intern Nightmare

Oh! How awful! I couldn't imagine, especially with all the anxiety of a first day! Glad you made it out without anybody noticing! I thought you wrote this nicely. I think it had just the right amount of detail without letting anything get too drawn out. However, I think you had a tendency to write how you would speak in certain parts, and it though I do think it gave it personality, it also made those parts read a bit less smoothly. Good job though, and great story!! Can't wait to read some more of your writing!



Whitney:::

My Father's Fall

So sorry to hear about your father's accident. It's so unfortunate, but with these big corporation companies, I can't say I'm suprised. I hope his back is better now though! I enjoyed My Father's Fall. I thought the story was well told, but I do wish you would have elaborated on the conclusion a bit more because it really spiked my interest. But other than that and a few grammatical errors, I think your story took ready smoothly in the sense that it didn't linger or bypass details and gave just enough description for catching attention. Can't wait to read more of your writing!!

Thursday 29 October 2009:::
No post.


Nicole:::

Consumer Disaster

Consumer Disaster was such a pleasure to read. I love that your writing shows so much personality too! I'm glad to hear that everything with your cousin (and her family) turned out to be OK. A gas leak is such a scary thing! While I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post and thought it was very well written, I would have loved reading more about the incident with your cousin. Did it ever get severe enough that they end up having to do anything with her in a medical sense, or was fresh air the only remedy she needed? And how on earth did they realize that was the cause of the problem?! My only comment is about your citations. I know this was supposed to be a narrative, but I felt like in the way you referenced the reading so much, that they should have been there. Good job! Can't wait to reading more of your writing!!

Thursday 29 October 2009:::
No post.