Week 12 Blog Reviews

Whitney:::

In a Perfect World

I thought that this was so good! It was so easy to read, and you did a really good job summarizing reading and explaining both ends of the spectrum. Your intro was terrific too. It totally drew me in. I really don’t have much to say except that I think you should have given you’re viewpoint (the same one that was in the conclusion) in your intro too! Regardless of that though, really good job.

The Fascination with Finance

Dang! I really like both of your blogs this week. As with In a Perfect World, I thought that this too was written really well and don’t have much critique. Your writing has a way of coming off both intelligently and appealing. It’s clear that you understand what you read, and when you write and reference it you write it in a way that’s easy for readers to comprehend. It’s great.

Ashley:::

The World of Money

I really enjoyed this blog. You did such a good job referencing and writing in a way that was appealing. I really like your opening statement was defining what ‘finance’ was... And I like that you did it from the text rather than a dictionary. I just don’t prefer dictionary definitions much I guess. My only suggestion would be to consider revising the sentence with the phrase “most money and money”. Really good job though!

Goverment: Creating a Protection from One’s Own Self

Good blog. I really enjoyed this writing. You had so many good and justifiable points- I think it could become a really great essay if you found and cited some scholarly references that supported your statements. I have just a few things to say about the paper. There were a few spelling/grammar errors (government in the title) that you’d probably catch next time you edited should you choose this for an essay. And my other comment is about this statement from your conclusion: “Although many expect dangerous acts to come from persons outside our country, as we can witness by experience, from the Oklahoma bombing to last week, loose security of citizens allows them to do anything that they wish.” I thought this was just a tad hard to make sense of. Good job!!

Nicole:

Freedom of folly

I agree with your stance on the subject that government should resides somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum. Overall your blog was easy to read. You had good ideas. I think if you chose to expand/revise this and use it for an essay, you consider taking a more academic voice in writing it. Perhaps you could do this merely by sourcing outside your personal opinion. Good job!